How to Create a Divorce Settlement Offer
When it comes to divorce negotiations, timing and strategy are everything. While many people believe they should “never make the first offer,” this outdated advice can actually hurt your chances of a fair and efficient settlement - especially in divorce mediation, where walking away isn’t an option.
In this episode of Divorce Allies, Anna Graham and financial mediator Melissa Gregg dive deep into the psychology and tactics behind making a strong first settlement offer, also known as anchoring the deal.
Why “Never Speak First” Doesn’t Work in Divorce
Traditional negotiation theory - the kind used for buying cars or houses - assumes you can walk away from a deal. In divorce, you can’t. Refusing to put numbers on the table can stall progress, escalate tensions, and waste both time and money.
Instead, offering first (with a well-supported number) sets the tone and framework for all future discussions. This is the essence of anchoring: presenting a value early so that every counteroffer or concession revolves around it.
The Power of Proof
Anchoring only works if your numbers are credible. That means:
Valuations for homes, businesses, or high-value assets
Appraisals for unique items
Multiple data points (e.g., Zillow, Realtor.com, assessor’s office) for property value
Clear documentation for debts, pensions, and accounts
Without proof, your “anchor” risks being dismissed as unrealistic - or worse, manipulative.
Why Preparation Starts 3–6 Months Before Filing
Melissa emphasizes that the best time to start working on your settlement offer is before you file - ideally three to six months earlier. This window allows you to:
Collect and organize financial documents
Secure valuations and appraisals
Consult with financial mediators and other specialists
Understand your realistic negotiation range
By the time you engage an attorney, you’re already prepared - saving both money and emotional energy.
Building Your Divorce Support Team
Attorneys are legal experts, but they’re not your therapist, mortgage broker, or financial analyst. Relying on them for all roles is expensive and inefficient.
A well-rounded team may include:
Financial Mediator – Builds your financial case and negotiates numbers
Parenting Specialist – Guides custody planning and co-parenting strategies
Mortgage Coach – Determines if you can afford to keep your home
Abuse Recovery Coach – Prepares you for toxic negotiation tactics
Therapist or Divorce Coach – Supports your emotional resilience
The Divorce Allies model pulls these professionals together so you can address all aspects of your settlement in one place.
When “Good Enough” Is the Goal
A strong settlement offer doesn’t aim for a windfall. Courts rarely award one spouse everything. Instead, the goal is a fair, evidence-backed proposal that meets your needs, respects legal guidelines, and avoids prolonged litigation.
Takeaway (Start with Month 1 Download)
If you’re approaching divorce, don’t wait until you’ve filed to start thinking about your settlement offer. Begin gathering proof, assembling your support team, and defining your negotiation anchor now. By the time mediation begins, you’ll be ready to negotiate from a position of clarity and strength.
